I really hope this works
by dontstealmyvitaminies
Summary: Sequel to 'Epic Mind Failure', what's going through Darcy's mind in the second proposal? How does he avoid screwing it up this time? Many lolz, the return of the rubber chicken and a democratic brain will lead to your answer!


Brain**:**Did you hear that?

Soul: I can't believe it.

Brain: Do you think that Heart heard it?

Soul: I don't know – he's been really upset since… well, just not himself.

Brain: I wonder if he was listening at all

Soul: We should ask him – he'll want to hear this

Brain: Heart? Are you there?

…

Heart: What do you want? Get away from me! I hate you all! BLEURGH!

Soul: … 'bleurgh'?

Brain: It's certainly an improvement from complete silence, you know.

Soul: Do you know what 'bleurgh' means?

Brain: To be perfectly honest I don't understand half of the things that Heart says these days.

Soul: Listen, Heart, did you hear what Aunt Cathy just said?

Heart: That old bat? No. I didn't listen. I can't listen to her say anything else about Eli – Miss Bennet.

Brain: It was good news, don't worry

Heart: What? Has she decided that she's going to cark it then? Roll over and jump into her own grave? Because that's the only good news I can imagine right now.

Brain: Err… no… she's still living and breathing.

Heart: Then it isn't good news. Now leave me alone so I can wallow in my emo-ness.

Brain: What does 'emo' mean?

Soul: Doesn't it mean 'emotional'? It's some sort of style of fashion or music...

Heart: It's a way of life, buddy!

Brain: It's just that – Aunt Catherine has spoken to Elizabeth, and –

Heart: AHHHHHHHHH! THAT NAME! WHY DO YOU TORMENT ME SO? WHHHHHHHHHHHHY?

Soul: Not getting a bit emotional, are we?

Heart: I'm not emotional – I'm emo.

Brain: Seriously, I have no idea what you're talking about, but this is important! Actually, we need everyone here for this, maybe they can balance out your... emo-ness.

Common Sense: Not this again, I thought we had been through this before, and it didn't work, remember? No more group meetings! They only cause trouble!

Ego: Come on chaps, a meeting is being assembled!

Inner Child: Ooh, goodie! A meeting!

Protectiveness: Is everyone here? Is everyone okay? How are we all doing?

Recklessness: Ah, feels good to be back, I've been having a nice long sleep whilst I was BEING IGNORED BY EVERYONE ELSE!!!

Brain: We had a perfectly good excuse not to talk to you again, remember? And you're supposed to be in exile – so are you, Ego!

Ego: (sniff) wasn't my fault you all ruined it!

Pride: It was not ruined. Nothing has been ruined. We are too wonderful to be ruined.

Male Ego: Duhhhh….. (drools)

Brain: Is he okay?

Manly Pride: Ooh a bubble! Whoop!

Brain: Err… am I asking the wrong person?

Reason: They haven't been the same since Kent; I think they sustained a great deal of damage to their heads, if you get my drift.

Rationality: You mean they had those giant watermelons sitting on their shoulders deflated?

Reason: I would say as much, but I was trying to be delicate and understanding of their condition.

Male Ego: Duhhh…. I'm a pony! NEIGH!!

Manly Pride: Clip clop!

Rationality: I think that your sympathy is lost on them…

Manly Pride: Does the nice pony want a carrooooooooooooooooot?

Temptation: No, he wants you to stand behind him and pull his tail. Do it, it'll be lots of fun!

Protectiveness: Don't you dare!

Shame: (sniffle) APPROVE OF ME!!

Brain: Well that was random…

Subconscious: I saw it coming.

Blind Stupidity: Hey, I want to pull the pony's tail!

Brain: Err; can we get back to the more important things?

Soul: People! On task!

Shame: I'm dreadfully sorry…

Brain: Where did Heart go?

Heart: …'My tears run down like razorblades…my life is an empty box of cereal…' (pathetic sob).

Brain: Alright... uhh… Well, onto more positive things. Did anyone hear Aunt Cathy just now?

Paranoia: Me? Noooo, I don't eavesdrop, I'm a good little boy! I would NEVER do that! STOP LOOKING AT ME!! THEY WANT TO STEAL MY LUCKY CHARMS!!

Soul: Who is _that_?

Brain: He turned up after we left Kent, he was muttering about the voices trying to kill him or something.

Soul: Hmm. I don't think he should go too near to Heart or to Shame; they both seem a little on edge today.

Brain: I completely agree, let's get this over with before we die of old age

Paranoia: Die? DIE? WE'RE GOING TO DIE??

Brain: Oh fu –

(Protectiveness gives him a death glare and covers up Inner Child's ears)

Brain: - dge? Fudge!

Sense of Humour: Nice save, effective and yet delicious!

Temptation: (leading Manly Pride to Male Ego) that's right, stand right behind him and give that tail a little yank…

Brain: Temptation! Stop that! You've been causing trouble ever since Kent!

Temptation: Well there hasn't been much else to entertain me, what with Elizabeth going back to Hertfordshire!

Heart: WHAAAAAAAAAA! (throws self at the ground, wailing and kicking)

Brain: Well this is just what we needed. Honestly, this is turning out like dinner at Rosings!

Sense of Humour: I would say this is entirely more pleasant. At Rosings we have to put up with a real life cow, here all we have is someone who _thinks_ he's a pony.

Brain: Well, I need you to all quiet down for a moment

Heart: … 'and I don't want the world to see me, cos I don't think that they'd understand…' (rolls around on floor, moaning in tight pants, hair covering most of face)

Brain: That is somewhat… concerning…

Soul: Heart, please stop singing, you're depressing us all

Heart: (wounded sniffle) how would you know? This is music, man, don't suffocate my soul!

Soul: It's so depressing!

Heart: It's the truth about life – that it SUCKS!

Inner Child: Hehe, you're acting like me when I don't want to go in the bath!

Brain: Why is this taking so long? Everyone just be quiet for a minute!

(silence in Darcy's brain)

Brain: THANK you! Now, where were we?

Soul: Aunt Catherine.

Brain: Ah yes. Now, it seems that Aunt Catherine has had a little chat to Miss Bennet, accusing her of using her feminine charms and wiles; it seems, to ensnare us into an engagement.

Reason: Why on earth are you happy then?

Libido: She can use her feminine wiles on me any day…

Blind Stupidity: Who, Aunt Cathy? Isn't that a bit weird?

Brain: (banging head against skull at the stupidity) How on earth did we get into Cambridge?

Recklessness: Ah, Cambridge… I did love those days, when we were ACTUALLY DOING THINGS!

Brain: Moving along! Now, the reason why this conversation means good news is that Miss Bennet denied all the accusations put against her, and when asked if she would promise not to ever become engaged to us, she said 'no'.

Rationality: So basically, she's said that she will _not_ promise that she will _never _marry us…

Soul: That's the gist of it

Brain: So, what do we all think?

(random cricket that crawled into Darcy's ear chirps)

Heart: THIS IS WONDERFUL! OH HAPPY DAY! GOD I COULD KISS AUNT CATHY! WHOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (jumps for joy, pulls of tight pants and pushes hair from face)

Romantics: Ah, Lizzy my love! I am coming for you my darling; soon I will be with you!

Ego: I just _knew_ she would give in eventually.

Protective Instinct: Oh I do hope that Aunt Cathy wasn't too rude to Elizabeth…

Recklessness: How long does it take to get to Gretna Green?

Rationality: Calm yourselves down gentlemen, we have to look at this with sensibility, this means almost nothing has changed, she might have said it just to annoy Aunt Catherine

Reason: Actually, Elizabeth would have told her the honest truth just to get her out of her face – you know how blunt she can be.

Pride: Yes. We know that all too well.

Sense of Humour: He still hasn't finished eating his humble pie yet, don't mind him.

Brain: This is good though, we have a chance to win Elizabeth over now!

Heart: If you're happy and you know it clap your hands! (claps with embarrassing enthusiasm)

Romantics: Ah, my love, I shall be with you so soon! I am almost there!

Brain: We need to decide a course of action

Recklessness: Hmm. I say we kidnap her right now. She's probably still sleeping, but that's alright, we can carry her easier this way.

Conscious: We can't do that! We might frighten her, and we would certainly ruin her reputation!

Recklessness: Does it matter? She'll be ours for eternity!

Reason: We need to court her properly, ask her permission, and ask her father's permission.

Impatience: You know, in a way we already have courted her, perhaps we should just skip to the proposal?

Brain: I say that she needs a proper courting, that she deserves one after all we've put her through.

Heart: If you think I'm waiting around for three months before we're even engaged then you've got another thing coming – in three months I expect to be happily married to Elizabeth!

Brain: We can't rush her! Besides, she's young yet; perhaps she wants to wait a little before she marries?

Soul: I agree with heart – the sooner the better

Brain: And if she says no again?

Heart: Hey, I took those pants off, but it doesn't mean they can't come back on, and the hair takes only a second to do.

Brain: I think that's the most frightening threat I've ever received

Temptation: Just do it, she's probably expecting us to come ask her, just give in!

Common Sense: You know, if she doesn't want to marry us she would have told Aunt Catherine that, and we would be here, but obviously she _does_ want us to ask for her hand again.

Brain: But we might scare her off!

Sense of Humour: We might be hit by a flying pig as well, what likelihood do we EVER have of frightening Elizabeth?

Romantics: Oh my love, my darling, I've hungered for your –

Sense of Humour: - lunch!

Common Sense: I don't think that's how it song goes

Sense of Humour: Hmm. I completely agree. Brunch is more appropriate.

Brain: (shakes head dismally)

Soul: It'll be morning in an hour or so, you know.

Brain: We shouldn't do this at all, we should wait and court her properly, it's what she deserves!

Ego: She deserves nothing!

Brain: You were EXILED! That means you don't come back! Stop interrupting – I'm trying to point out that this is a bad idea!

Heart: Bad idea my a –

(Protective Instinct gives another death glare)

Heart: - pple. Apple is what I intended to say!

Sense of Humour: Hmm, I think fudge was a bit more creative, and tastier.

Brain: I say we wait.

Heart: I say we ask her now!

Soul: Hear hear!

Reason: Excuse me a minute, I'm going to jump out the window to make this decision easier. Perhaps without reason you can at least come to a conclusion!

Temptation: Just do it!

Brain: Quiet! I can't think!

Romantics: Oh Lizzy I love you, Oh, Lizzy – Elizabeth Darcy!

Soul: All right, QUIET EVERYONE!

(everyone becomes silent)

Soul: Now for years I have silently and patiently sat back, letting Brain be in charge – and he mostly let Ego and Pride run the shop, but no more! I'm supposed to be leading us and I'm going to live up to my position!

Brain: You can't take my job! (someone throws a rubber chicken at him)

Sense of Humour: Fight! Fight! Fight!

Soul: I won't fight you, I don't even want to be the ultimate ruler, I would prefer a democracy!

Heart: Now that sounds good!

Soul: So everyone who votes we ask Miss Bennet's hand in marriage right now speak up!

Heart: Me!

Temptation: Ooh! Me!

Romantics: Upon my word I profess to the affirmative!

Protectiveness: Just as long as Lizzy is happy.

Inner Child: Ooh! Yay! Yes! Yes!

Reason: Help me! I think I may have broken my leg when I jumped out the window!

Recklessness: Why is this taking so long? YES!

Rationality: Well, I suppose so…

Shame: I don't want to admit it, but I want to marry her too…

Subconscious: I think you all know what I think; it's been in the back of your minds all along…

Conscious: As long as we do it properly, I see no harm in just asking...

Sense of Humour: 'I feel like asking Lizzie to marry us tonight! I feel like asking Lizzie to marry us tonight!' (waltzing with rubber chicken)

Ego: But – but – but she _hit_ me!

Libido: I think it's more exciting when it's rough

Pride: I'm still all black and blue from the last time!

Soul: Too bad, this time it will have nothing to do with you, I'm asking her myself!

Heart: No, please, take me with you!

Romantics: Allow me to come, please, I beg of you!

Soul: Well I see no harm in you two coming along, but what shall we say?

Brain: (sighing) Tell her the truth…

Sense of Humour: That we don't really like pea soup?

Brain: No! Let's be serious! Just tell her the truth about the way we feel, it should work out this time! And if not, we at least owe her the truth, after all the pain we've put her through.

Manly Pride: Ooh, the pretty pony!

Male Ego: Neigh! Brrrr!

Soul: Don't worry; I think we've got the right people for the job.

Brain: Go on then, just do it, we have nothing to lose, I suppose.

Heart: Lizzy, I am coming for you!

Soul: Right boys, let's do this!

...

Brain: Did you hear that?

Soul: I don't believe it.

Brain: Do you think heart heard it?

Soul: Actually – I think he's stopped beating!

Brain: Oh wait, he's back again!

Heart: She – she said YES!

(all cheer excitedly, various senses whinny)

Paranoia: Oh no! Hide, Soul! She's trying to suck you out of us!

Brain: That's a kiss, dummy.

Soul: And it feels like heaven!

Heart: This is the greatest day of my life!

Sense of Humour: I think I may have broken my funny bone… I can't make any jokes about this anymore!

Libido: And no base comments spring immediately to mind!

Brain: Boys, I think we're in love.

(everyone is quiet, random cricket chirps again)

…

All Together: WELL DUH!

Male Ego: Whinny!

**A/N: ****Wow, I was really surprised by how many people liked 'Epic Mind Failure', and how many people wanted a sequel! I was supposed to be studying today, but I decided to comply and give you the sequel you wanted, I hope it's up to scratch. But I don't think I'll be able to write another sequel of this, but if you give me some ideas there might be some other scenarios I could work on :D And if you miss my writing, you can always read one of my other fics to bide the time :D **

**Disclaimer: Hmm. I'm a fifteen year old student sitting in my bedroom, eating kit-kats and playing internet chess against the computer whilst listening to Mika. I obviously don't own Jane Austen. **


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